Rewarded
by Sarah1281
Summary: Severus got his wish when Voldemort decided to stun Lily instead of killing her. With her husband and son dead, what is there for her in this world? And without Lily's sacrifice, will there be any hope for the wizarding world? AU


Rewarded

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Lily wouldn't look at him.

He had saved her life and she wouldn't look at him.

Part of him wondered if he should be upset by this but the truth was that he couldn't even begin to blame her. He could never blame her for anything, not even unceremoniously throwing him out of her life (she had to know he hadn't meant what he said. And as for the rest…He was a poor half-blood Slytherin during the rise of the Dark Lord. What else could he have done? Especially without _her_) but especially not for this.

He may have hated James Potter just as strongly as they both loved Lily and the child might never have been real to him but if Lily had cared for them anywhere as much as he had always loved her then he didn't know how she had the strength to _breathe _right now. He had never wanted to hurt her but he knew that it was almost entirely his own fault (almost because that Seer and the Dark Lord had played their roles as well) that she was in pain.

He knew that she wouldn't want to speak to him. She hadn't wanted to speak to him for five years before he had caused the death of her husband and infant son. And he had heard that the boy had Lily's eyes and now those eyes were glazed over in death. But he had to say something; the silence was killing him.

"I'm sorry." It wasn't much but it was all he had.

"No you're not." There wasn't as much bitterness in her voice as he had expected. Instead there was a curious, terrible emptiness.

"I am," he insisted. It may be his fault but it hadn't been intentional. He _would_ be the one to shatter his love's world _accidentally_.

"Do you expect me to believed that you mourn for James?" Lily demanded. "I'll never believe that."

That was true. If it had just been James Potter on his own then Severus wouldn't have spared him another thought if he hadn't actually celebrated the well-deserved death.

But it wasn't.

For no reason that he could understand, Lily had loved him and Potter's death as well as the death of her son might be enough to destroy her. He hadn't considered that before Dumbledore had pointed it out to him and now he couldn't stop thinking about it.

"Do you think that I wanted this?" he asked her quietly.

She stared impassively at him. "You must have. Voldemort brought me _here_."

He didn't flinch at her use of that name (for what kind of spy would that make him?) but he wanted to. It was a silly superstition but, having spent time in the Dark Lord's presence, it was so easy to believe.

"I did ask him not to kill you, yes," Severus conceded reluctantly. It wasn't a shameful thing to have wanted to save her but that got into _why _the Dark Lord had honored his request and spared a Muggleborn favorite of Dumbledore's who had thrice defied him. "But I never thought that it would come to this. You – all of you – you were supposed to be _safe_."

He had the shock of his life when his doorbell rang (some dark joke of the Dark Lord's, no doubt) and he opened it to find the Dark Lord carelessly clutching Lily before thrusting her into Severus' arms. He had thought that she was dead at first, the Dark Lord _would _be just that cruel. But no, she was merely unconscious.

He had never seen the Dark Lord look so pleased. "Never say that Lord Voldemort does not know how to reward his followers. Your services will not be forgotten," he had said.

Lily was alive and it was something. More than something, it was _everything _and still it was not enough. Not when she looked so shattered.

"Safe," Lily echoed. "We were. We…Why ask Voldemort at all if I was supposed to be so damn _safe_?"

"I couldn't risk it," Severus replied quickly. "An appeal to Dumbledore and an appeal to the Dark Lord. One of the appeals was enough for all that it wasn't the one that you wanted."

"It wasn't Dumbledore's fault." How she could sit here and _still _defend that man after all of his failures was quite honestly beyond him. "But you wouldn't agree. You're one of Voldemort's."

"I'm not." The words were almost dragged out against his will. His allegiances had always been his own and it was better that way, safer that way, _saner _that way but Lily did have that effect on him. And it had only been the Dark Lord's _mercy _that kept her alive tonight. "Not for awhile. Not since he targeted you."

"And what about now?" Lily asked bitterly."Now that he's taken everything from me but my life?"

"He might not have killed you tonight but if you're going to keep fighting – and after tonight I know that you will – then you're still a target. Continued defiance after he didn't kill you once might make you more of a target."

"So it all comes down to me," Lily said slowly. "I don't believe that. But her eyes – still avoiding his – were far from sure. "And if that's true then it changes nothing. You can't base your entire philosophy on another person, Severus. You need to pick a side and stick to it."

"I have," Severus insisted.

"_I_ am not a side," Lily argued.

"Dumbledore is," Severus replied. "But if I'm to have any use to you then that cannot be known."

"And how does that work?" Lily asked him. "Voldemort knows that you asked for my life. Everyone else can figure it out."

A shadow crossed his face. "They won't see it that way. They'll see you as a weakness of mine but indicative of nothing."

"So what now?" Lily asked bluntly. "Am I to be your prisoner, Severus?"

Severus shook his head roughly. "Of course not. The Dark Lord may have delivered you to me but that is where his interest in the matter ends. I wouldn't force you. Ever."

Lily's gaze turned distant. "Why?"

Severus wasn't going to insult her by pretending not to know what she meant. "The Dark Lord was targeting your son as a potential threat. No amount of favor could convince him to spare the boy." Especially when he had only gained that favor in the first place because he had reported the threat. He would do _anything _for Lily to never find out about that. "I might have asked for your husband as well but he barely agreed to try to spare you. If I had asked for you both then he might have chosen to save just one and he would have chosen based on blood status."

"He told me to stand aside," Lily said, her hands shaking. "I wouldn't, of course I wouldn't. Harry was my _son_. And I thought that he was going to kill me and I would have been okay with that if it were for Harry but he stunned me instead. I knew when Voldemort appeared in the doorway that James was dead but _are you sure_ that Harry-"

She broke off, unable to continue.

"I'm sorry," Severus said, feeling helpless.

That was when she started crying, huge heaving sobs. He wanted nothing more than to comfort her but he knew that she wouldn't accept it and it would just upset her further.

Reluctantly, he tore his eyes away from her and went to go contact Dumbledore.

It was always difficult to face people he had failed. He had thought that he'd done all that he could for the Potters. He had told them not to trust so casually and even offered to be the Secret Keeper himself. They had _insisted _on Sirius Black, however, and now look what had happened.

And Sirius' atrocity hadn't stopped there. He had maliciously hunted down and killed Peter Pettigrew and demolished a street full of Muggles as well. How could he have been so blind? He had known of Sirius' dark family but he had _never _expected…And certainly not James of all people.

But, for all he didn't know what else he could have done, James Potter and an innocent child were dead and there was a guilt associated with that.

Frank and Alice were there as well, torn between pain for Lily, mourning for James and Harry, guilty relief for not being the ones attacked, and fear that they would be next. Remus hadn't left Lily's side since she had stepped through the Floo to his office. He had lost his three closest friends all at once.

Lily roused herself from her grief long enough to say, "Sirius. Where's Sirius? I want to see him."

Albus sighed heavily. It was only natural to want to face the man who had betrayed and destroyed her but he hoped that he could convince her otherwise and spare her this pain. "He's in Azkaban, Lily. You don't need to worry about him."

Lily's eyes widened in shock. "Azkaban? Wha-_why_?"

"In addition to his betrayal of you, James, and young Harry, he murdered Peter and several Muggles," Albus informed her gravely. Maybe that was all a bit much to lay on her all at once but he didn't know quite how to soften the blow. It wasn't a surprise that she hadn't heard given what she'd been through.

Lily was frowning and shaking her head. "No. That's not…no."

Remus placed a hand on her shoulder. "I know it's difficult to accept, Lily."

"No, _you_ don't understand," Lily insisted, her eyes flashing. "I can see Sirius killing Peter. Peter _deserves _it, frankly, but he wouldn't have killed all those Muggles no matter how upset he was."

It was shocking to hear her talk like that. And what could she possibly blame poor Peter for? Not being able to stop Sirius? Peter had never been a match for any of them.

"I wouldn't have believe it either," Remus said gently. "You now he was my best friend, Lily, but so were James and Peter. And if Sirius could kill them, what would Muggles matter? Especially as he was Voldemort's spy."

"Sirius wouldn't know the first thing about being a spy!" Lily said hotly. "He's never had much of a sense of subtly and he's too quick to say what he thinks."

"I understand your loyalty, Lily, and it is commendable," Albus told her. "But you must face _facts _and the fact is that they were many witnesses to those deaths and as your Secret Keeper, no one else could have betrayed you."

"Witnesses?" Lily scoffed. "They were _Muggles_. They wouldn't understand what they were seeing, especially if one of the parties was setting a scene."

Albus frowned. "Are you blaming Peter?" He was careful not to let the disapproval show through his voice. Peter was a fallen hero and deserved better but Lily had been through so much. It wasn't her fault that she couldn't face reality and Peter would understand.

Lily gave him an exasperated look. "_Yes_."

"Lily-" Remus began, wincing.

She turned on him. "Don't 'Lily' me like you're humoring me. I said that you didn't understand and I meant it. Sirius wasn't our Secret Keeper."

Shock flooded through the room.

"James told me that he was," Albus almost blurted.

Lily looked down. "That was Sirius' idea. We both wanted him to be our Secret Keeper but he thought it was too obvious. He knew that there was a good chance that he'd be captured and tortured to reveal our location and he didn't want that to be a possibility. But who would ever suspect Peter?"

She started laughing almost hysterically.

* * *

Crouch hadn't wanted to reopen the Black matter but, as Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, Albus didn't give him any choice. It turned out that Sirius hadn't been intended for a trial. Even when Albus believed him to be a traitor of the worst king, he never would have wanted that. Trials were the mark of any civilized society and, war or not, could not be allowed to lapse. They needed to retain some sort of morality superiority over the Death Eaters, particularly with the Aurors authorized to use Unforgivables.

With everything as hectic as it was, he hadn't checked but he had expected Sirius to spend his life in Azkaban but not without a trial. Even when the evidence was so strong that a trial seemed a mere formality, nobody should be sentenced to the Dementors without one. Albus didn't approve of Dementors in general (they bred in misery, most of them worked for Voldemort, and they were capable of destroying a man far more thoroughly than anything else he knew of) and that made being sure all the more essential.

Sirius' innocence certainly would have come out in trial, illustrating painfully that even the most obvious of guilts could not be taken for granted. And if Sirius was being so wronged, how many others was Crouch depriving of basic rights? He'd need to keep a closer eye on him in the future.

Sirius was a wreck but Albus couldn't tell if it was the week in Azkaban or just the loss of James and Harry.

"You have been done a great injustice, my boy," Albus said seriously. "And if things had been different it may have been worse." If Lily hadn't survived to clear his name…he shuddered to think of it.

"A great injustice," Sirius repeated thoughtfully. "I deserved it."

"How can you say that?" Albus asked incredulously.

"I told them to use Peter," Sirius explained. "If they hadn't done that, they'd still be alive."

"You don't know that," Albus argued. "Think of your reasons for using him in the first place."

Sirius shrugged indifferently. "Maybe. They'd have had a better chance. I'd never have told the Death Eaters."

"I never should have doubted that," Albus said, bowing his head.

"_I _should have doubted," Sirius responded quietly.

* * *

Alice was over to offer support that night. No one had wanted to leave her alone since it had happened and she was glad of it. The last thing she ever wanted was to be left alone with her thoughts and her loss. Part of her worried what would happen once her friends got tired of her unceasing grief but for now they mourned as deeply as she.

Remus wasn't there tonight since last night had been the full moon and he was exhausted but Sirius was present. Lily knew that he blamed himself and maybe using Peter had been his idea but she couldn't bring herself to blame him.

"Where's Neville?" Sirius asked.

"Frank's with him," Alice explained. "I might have brought him but he's still a target."

Lily nodded, knowing that Alice wouldn't have brought him either way because she didn't know how Lily would react. Honestly, neither did she.

"We're going to need to have a funeral for James and Harry," Sirius said bluntly.

Alice winced. She and so many others had been hinting at that since practically the moment her family had died but she hadn't wanted to face it and so pretended not to understand. Sirius, as she had said, was not one for subtlety and so that was no longer possible.

"I know," Lily agreed reluctantly. "But I just…And I couldn't have held it without you."

"Well, I'm here now," Sirius said, placing a hand briefly on her arm.

"At least I won't have to make the arrangements," Lily said, sighing. "Is it terribly morbid that James and I had our funeral arrangements set in place already? And even something for…for…"

"It's not terrible at all!" Alice rushed to assure her. "You knew just how dangerous this world was and the sacrifices you were making and you didn't want anybody who loved you to have to worry about it after you were gone. That's incredibly selfless of you."

"We hadn't really expected to survive this war when so many others didn't," Lily confided. "And I still might not. But we never really considered that one of us would be left behind. We should have, I suppose, but it was just too terrible to think about."

"You know that James would rather you be alive than stay with him," Sirius said with such conviction that Lily found that she couldn't argue.

"Have you seen Severus since that night?" Alice asked her.

Severus had been right about how the Death Eaters seemed to see her survival. Dumbledore seemed encouraged by Severus' need for her to live. Apart from that, her side seemed o think that it was just Severus continuing to be a hypocrite and set her above everyone else like her. As for her…

Well, she didn't know. It had been some time since he had tried to get back into her good graces. He had been a Death Eater, tried and true, that could not be denied. And yet now his allegiances had changed and she didn't know if she could summon enough inner strength right now to keep him out. She wasn't even sure that she wanted to. She _had _missed him and he was one of her oldest friends. And she had wanted him to make the right choices for so long now and it seemed that he finally was, whatever his reasons.

It was just this damn war!

"Yes," Lily replied. "We haven't really spoken, though. He's just brought flowers and food by."

Sirius' eyes narrowed. "Oh, unbelievable. James isn't even in the ground and already Snape's moving back in."

But Lily shook her head. "It's not like that." She wasn't quite sure what it _was _like but Severus was above trying to start something so quickly after she had just lost her family. "He just…feels bad."

"As well he should," Sirius said darkly. "It was _his _Lord and Master that did this. That he's high enough in their order that he can get your life as some sort of prize says nothing good about him."

Lily shook her head again. "I don't want to talk about Severus. I can't even deal with him right now."

Sirius looked contrite. "You're right; I'm sorry. Now is not the time."

Lily couldn't even begin to think about dating someone else right now, not when she could still feel James' loss like a gaping wound and Harry's loss was a burning pain. But, as impossible as it was to conceive of, she was still _so young _for all that she had seen and done and being the widow Lily Potter might not last forever.

"You know that Remus and I will do anything for you," Sirius promised her.

Lily nodded, tears prickling in her eyes.

"The same goes for Frank and I," Alice added.

"I-" Lily began, feeling overwhelmed.

The fire roared then. As a security measure, no one could travel by Floo there but they could still communicate. Startled, they turned towards the fire and Dumbledore's solemn face appeared.

"Alice, I'm afraid that I have some bad news for you."

That was when Alice started screaming.

* * *

When they had gotten Alice calmed down enough to hear the news, it still took another hour before she was up to going over there and seeing for herself.

Lily wasn't sure if she was up to it, either, but she couldn't abandon Alice now.

The house looked so normal from the outside but inside there were signs of a struggle. Aurors were all over the house.

"We've removed the body," Moody said as they passed.

"Where was it?" Alice asked, pale.

"The child's room," Moody replied.

Alice steeled herself before marching up to Neville's room. There was a portrait cowering in its frame and it was he to whom Alice addressed herself.

"What happened?" Alice demanded.

The figure – a knight – wrung his hands distraughtly. "It was terrible. There was all this banging and clashing and then Frank ran up the stairs. He promised Neville that he'd be alright and then stood in front of him waiting for that madman. Frank was told to step aside because he was a Pureblood and so it would be a waste to kill him but Frank refused and so he was killed. It was…it was _terrible_."

"What about Voldemort?" Sirius asked.

"That thing…he tried to kill Neville but the curse sort of rebounded and it hit him. But instead of a body, he just…vanished," the knight concluded, looking honestly flummoxed.

Alice was nodding and looking faint so Lily and Sirius each grabbed an army to steady her.

After a moment, she shook them off. "I'm okay. Where's my son?"

They quickly located the boy in the arms of his grandmother. Augusta was reluctant to surrender the child but Alice was his mother.

"Like a lightning bolt," Lily whispered, tracing the scar on Neville's forehead with her finger.

Alice squeezed her eyes tight, drawing as much strength from Neville as she was giving back to him.

Lily felt an ugly stab of jealousy just then and ruthlessly pushed it back down. Alice's husband was dead and that was nothing to be envious of even if her son had survived where Lily's hadn't.

Dumbledore came by then, looking far older than she had ever seen him. He quickly explained his theory that Frank being given the choice to live but instead choosing to die for Neville protected Neville from Voldemort's attack and the rebounded curse destroyed him. He didn't think that Voldemort was gone for good, however, since there was no body but even if he was Voldemort still had followers and Neville would be safest residing with his father's blood. Alice and Augusta agreed to live together for Neville's sake and then Dumbledore moved on to go continue doing whatever he needed to do in the wake of Voldemort's possible death.

Alice and Augusta moved off to the side to console each other about Frank's loss and that just left Lily alone.

Sirius slipped his hand into hers then and gave it a meaningful squeeze.

Not quite alone, then. She still had him and Remus and maybe even Severus.

She wished that she could bring herself to care about any of it.

So this was victory.

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